Ladies, let’s call a truce!

Yes! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you Jen Hatmaker for giving words to my heart’s thoughts! Thank you for saying out loud THE thing that so many women (and by that I mean definitely me) think, but will rarely say.

Living with The Mythical They is exhausting.

I was visiting with a dear friend a couple of weeks ago that I have known for many years now. We laugh together, we cry together, we pray together, but we didn’t like each other ~ at first…at least not in our minds.

She thought she knew exactly what I was going to be like before we even spoke a word, and she wasn’t crazy about that person she had coffee with in her mind! I wish I could say, “Wow, that was really judgmental!” And I guess I could. But, I did the same thing. That stings a bit more to have to slap the judgmental label on when that handwritten sticker is stuck to your own chest! We have talked about this many times, and now it is one of the things we laugh together about. But, as we revisit the first steps taken early in our friendship, the laughter over the ridiculousness of ourselves always turns to grief.

We grieve and wonder how many lost opportunities in our lives there have been to meet “could have been” friends. You know, women that could have been best friends, prayer partners, shopping buddies, tear wipers, belly-laugh instigators, and the when-I-fall-you’ll-be-there-to-pick-me-up friend that won’t even make you mad if they laugh a little with you as you are gracefully (ha!) going down!

Jen’s post also made me reflect on just how many conversations I have had with my husband of twenty-one years that went something like this:

Me (in pouty voice):     “I just don’t think {so-and-so} liked me.”

Very Patient Husband:     “Honey, why do you say that? You haven’t even really talked to her.”

Me (still pouty, and now a little whiny):     “I knooowww. It’s just, it’s just… something…I don’t know. I just get the feeling she doesn’t like me.”

Very, Very Patient Husband:     “Honey, don’t judge a book by it’s cover. It’s all in your head.”

These are words of wisdom from my husband who sometimes just directly blurts the obvious, who loves me tenderly even when he has no clue what I am talking about, and who is not afraid to admit that he doesn’t really understand women all that much. But, he is right.

It really is THIS simple.

However, I am learning that it’s not all in my head. It’s in my heart. What I think and say is an overflow of my heart.

“…What you say flows from what is in your heart.” ~ Luke 6:45

I truly believe this is not just the spoken word, though. It is also what we speak into ourselves.

I am tired. I have been tired for a while. Ladies, this life is short. We have one shot at this. I’ll tell you what, I’ll call a truce if you will!

A truce on ourselves…That we really, truly accept the Grace that was so freely given to us by Jesus and then extend that same Grace to not only others, but especially ourselves.

I don’t want to miss out on Sister-Friend opportunities any more because of drama I’ve made up in my mind. No matter where we are: our workplace, our neighborhoods, our kid’s schools, our churches…ESPECIALLY OUR CHURCHES. That last one brings tears to my eyes.

I am so very sorry for my part in that last one. That last one is the one that makes me really grieve. In Jen’s blog, THAT’s the part that made me weep.

I am so sorry…that I kept friendships from happening because in my mind, you didn’t/wouldn’t like me because of {whatever!}. I am sorry that I didn’t go up and meet you after the service, even though the Holy Spirit kept prompting me to do so, because of my {whatever my fear and insecurities of the moment were}. I am sorry for my disobedience.

I am sorry. And I ask for forgiveness.

I am praying for a change in women’s hearts of all ages to happen. I am praying for a generation of women that want walls broken down between us that the world tells us is necessary to “protect” ourselves. I am praying that we can be willing to get messy in this life with women that may walk a different path than us.

I am praying all of this for me, and for you, and I am praying this especially for my 7 year old daughter, Hope. I want more for her than I allow myself to embrace for myself. And, I believe the Lord wants that for ALL of us.

So, let’s overflow those coffee shops, kitchen tables, lunch spots, and even break rooms with Grace covered conversation! Conversation that may have to start with a simple and beautiful “I am sorry.”