I think I can, I think I can…
As soon as I put this computer down, I am back to painting another wall. We are still knee deep in a basic remodel/update of our house that started last April. We have only made it as far as the kitchen, school room, and now the living room, but we are making progress and that is what matters. (I am saying this to convince myself to believe it.)
As I look around at what we have accomplished I realize that my focus is usually on how much more we still have to go. I focus on just wanting to be finished. But I need to stop and remember what we have done. I need to appreciate the fact that even though it is going slower than I would like, we are the ones doing this. One free Saturday, one instructional YouTube video at a time.
And if truth be told, people we have no skills! Ok, maybe we have skills…just not the kind that are needed to update a twenty year old house that still had the original white floor tile, formica counter tops, and white-washed cabinets. Let’s not even talk about the amount of brass in the house. It is just so very…shiny.
However, the more we dive into this overwhelming task, the more I realize I am actually starting to enjoy the process, in spite of the frustration. I am enjoying seeing something take shape that we did with our own hands. I love seeing our fingerprints on our environment. And there is something else I am loving even more…
I am truly loving the fact that I am losing control.
Let me explain. I have always been a Martha. I’ve said it before, but it’s true. You know the story from Luke 10:38-42:
While Jesus and his disciples were traveling, Jesus entered a village where a woman named Martha welcomed him as a guest. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his message. By contrast, Martha was preoccupied with getting everything ready for their meal. So Martha came to him and said, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to prepare the table all by myself? Tell her to help me.”
The Lord answered, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things. One thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the better part. It won’t be taken away from her.”
Hi. My name is Kim. And I have a problem. I am Martha.
Except ~ the very sad truth is that a lot of times I wouldn’t even be hospitable enough to invite you in. Wow. That was hard to admit. And it’s not because I don’t like you. I really do. But, it’s because of the things in my life ~ because my house is “outdated”, or I don’t have the cute dishes, or I don’t know what to cook, or I have white floor tile from the 90’s accented with all that brass and just… you get the picture.
I am worried and distracted by many things.
Satan truly is crafty. Think about it…this dreadful tool he uses is so very easy for him. And we are all so very quick to accommodate. What is it?
Comparison.
Especially as a woman, I am so stinkin’ quick to oblige in his temptation. I do it with myself, and I do it with my stuff. Especially my home.
But as we have started to work on the house this year, a little at a time, something has started to shift in me, a little at a time. I have begun to realize that as we have updated our environment with the things we personally love (which does include quite a bit of coastal decor even though we live on the landlocked plains of west Texas) that God is reminding me what I already know but am slow to admit…my struggles with my outdated house have never been about the house. It has been about my heart. I had been worrying about things and not people.
Consider this scripture…
Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. ~ Hebrews 13:2
Wow! I feel like that sentence should be followed with a whole bunch of exclamation marks!!! I don’t want to miss out on that. Those blessings that come from opening my home. So, as I throw down a new floor tarp, set up the ladder and open one more can of paint, I want to say, my door is open!
My table has scuff marks from many meals, my floor tile for now is still 1994’s white, I may have a ladder and paint cans you have to step around and over, but…my door is open!
It should have always been! No matter the size of my home at the time or the lack of Pinterest inspired decor by this creatively challenged woman! It should have always been and should always be about the heart.
And one last thing ~ I thought I’d share a picture of my favorite update so far. It’s funny, it’s not the new counter tops, or my labor-of-love-almost-made-me-cuss-took-3-months-to-finish-freshly-painted cabinets, or even having a space of our own for the school room now (which is probably a close second)!
No, it is this…
One wall. A pretty small one at that. Just a mix of old and new. An eclectic mix of “pretties” that represent an afternoon of shopping with my precious husband and a walk down memory lane while looking at pictures to print. This wall that reflects our journey, and many beautiful lessons being learned.
Because, just like our remodeling adventure, we are finding the Joy can be in the journey! I don’t need to hurry up and just be finished any more. I am learning to embrace who I am, right where I am. I am learning to tell Satan the need to compare is slowly but surely dying away, and my gaze is fixed upon the only One I should ever try to be like.
I am slowly learning to stop looking around at others and focus my gaze up so that I will be equipped to walk beside others.
And just like our remodel, I am learning to embrace the fact I too am a work in progress. I am truly starting to believe it when I say that I am Blessed in My Mess.
Now, come on over and join me in my “outdated” mess! We can fix our eyes ‘Up’ together…which will likely also help you to avoid being blinded by all of the brass! 🙂
Kim Wideman 
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